Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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