Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
