I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
