Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
