this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
