I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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