Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
