so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
