at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
