i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
