everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm at about main and main street
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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