at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
