You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
