I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
