Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
