oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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