Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
