I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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