You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
