He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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