I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
