I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
