One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
