you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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