i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
