I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
