At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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