just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
