I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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