im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
