woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
