i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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