i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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