I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
