but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
