so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
