Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
