You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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