so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
