I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
