i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
