I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
