He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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