I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
