i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
two words: eviction party
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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