it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
