I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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