This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
