the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
