The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
