Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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