I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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